Sunday, November 18, 2012

Say What?!

I found this gem from a few years ago and had to re-post for your viewing pleasure.  I could have entitled it “better than mad gab”-OR- “why you as the triage nurse need to lay EYES on the patient signing in” -OR- “one more reason I love being an ER nurse” :o)

When patients enter the emergency room (barring they don't have an emergent condition such as a gun shot wound, heart attack, difficulty breathing - you get the idea), they are asked to sign in. The sign in sheet is NOT a difficult piece of paper to fill out. Simply your name, address, and the infamous question:


The following are actual examples from my hospital's sign in sheets.

- Play bascket ball brocken mouse and house.

- Intoxicate with old meat.

- Dog bait.

- She have fifer pain.

- Sord throw.

- Jabad a stick in eye.

- My lips were not right.

- I have all peat I have chase in band.

- Her head hearts and she can't breed good.

- He can't not breed.

- Stomach hurt were going #2 has animals that come out.
[Makes you wonder what KIND of animals, eh?]

- A friend had to come here for his legs and spoke to a DR about my possible bladder hanging out. I got scared and came on in.

- Jar loose cannot close for mouse.

- Tosdy.

- Sink.

- My hair is no good.
[OH! THIS is where you go on a bad hair day...]

- Temperature is 171.0.

- Eliget act to fish.

- Extreme lower back leg & neck pain, please ask the doctor to be a little sympathetic condition.

- Leg is swallowing.

- Hem roy.

[And for the ones who want everything checked...]
- It's been some few days ago, sharp pain thru butt and on bone, I fell and hurt my buttocks and I'm in severe pain. I think I broke something back there. I need ex-rays and I need to be checked for TB. Check sugar, diabetic and it's been running high too. I also chronic Hep C.
- Think I found a lump in my breast, vaginal secrescuns, & hurt my right foot think toe is jammed.

- Car finder binder.

- His ear hear a lot.
[This is a problem?]

- Cat arm.

- Tapaon stuck in virginia.

- She can't pop.

- I'm getting these balls all over my body I don't know what it is.

- I have an animal on my ear.

- Sicker than a dog, I think I have walking pneumonia, back, head, and whole body hurts, nose is runnning, coughing.

- Haigh presion.

- Hemmorolies (retus).

- Cool, paid.
[Doesn't sound too bad...]


- Foot swollen (spider) mean one.

- His tang cracked when he play with other kid.

- “1) urine falls freely, 2) hives due to lost meds on body, 3) brown leakage, 4) burns to urine, 5) lot of pain, 6) try a new thing and have tremendous rash - employed at Waffle House.”

- Severe pain in my stimulator.

- Privet part swoll leg num head hurt can't see real good blorrie viction thank i might have gotten pit by something and it effecting me don't real no can't thank.

- My thork.

- Fall off the morsito.

- Heart missing.

- Nell in lag.

- He eat's a little, his throt his a nosie. He cannot cry.

- Eye ech eare pine.

- Nick & head.

- Bite on tummy @ belt line swell, puss gew coming gew.

And my personal favorite:


If you actually understood all these, drop what you are doing and become a triage nurse! If not, join the rest of us and, if you're a nurse, eyeball your patient when they walk in because sometimes you have NO IDEA from what they will write! :)

Saturday, November 17, 2012

I think I wanna marry you

This makes me chuckle.  I would not say that this is my current relationship diagram, lol, but I have seen it happen many times before with friends and a couple times in my own life.  

I put a relationship picture up because yesterday at work one of my patients informed me that he would like to marry me.  He supported this desire by pointing out my beauty and amazing personality and serenading me with "I've grown accustomed to your face" from the My Fair Lady musical. Granted, he was 67 years old, high as a kite on morphine, and probably doesn't remember me today, but it was nice to hear nonetheless. :-)

When he finally admitted that he was not the one for me because he was "probably old enough to be my father" (um, yeah, pushing grandfather status there too, buddy!), he said, "I pray God sends a guy your way who loves Jesus and that you guys will have the most beautiful children in the whole entire world!"  He then drifted off to a narcotic-induced sleep with a blissful smile.  Oh my.

My patients entertain me.  I have recently been trying to subliminally brainwash my patients to have a very great time in the ER (long story) and that has kept me in giggles throughout the day.  I also have a mere 3 more weeks of school, 2 more papers to write, and 1 class yet to finish.  HALLELUJAH PRAISE THE LORD!  I'm pretty pumped about that if you can't tell...

"Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have.  For He Himself has said, 'I will never leave you nor forsake you.'  So we may boldly say: 'The LORD is my helper; I will not fear.  What can man do to me?' "  Heb. 13:5-6

"Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered."  Ps. 32:1 :)